Unemployment isn’t unusual nowadays and we all know how serious can be as a phenomenon of the society and how much it affects our daily life and everything that comes with it. It is not only a matter of economic problems but it also relates in a big rate with the relationship of a couple, married or not.
When we are talking about the man as the unemployed partner in the couple or the family, it is even more serious to handle the situation because of the stereotypes we are used in that demand the man to be the member who brings the money and the food in the house.
Next in the article, we are talking about the way a relationship (or marriage) can be affected when there is an unemployed partner (the man of the couple in the present situation) and we offer suggestions about how to deal with an unemployed partner so that you can get through this together and strengthen your relationship.
Unemployed partner – The problems and his psychology
When unemployment comes into a house we all know how serious problems appear, financial and practical. Expands and responsibilities, deadlines, etc. Of course this is a negative result for the couple’s relationship and the intimacy that goes away. There is a lot of anxiety, pressure, stress. Many and daily conflicts come into the surface so as spoilage and the danger of break up.
This situation becomes even more difficult when the man is the unemployed member who stays at home and the woman is the one who has a job and brings the money to the family. A man’s psychology when it is almost a fact that he should be the one who takes care of the economic issues and he brings the necessary things at home, starts daily to fall apart, he is being pressed, he feels disappointment, stress and even depression appears in some cases. His pride and his personal value are being disputed, the man feels humiliated and disadvantaged compared to the woman, his confidence decreases and he starts to go down.
Unemployed partner- How to deal with this situation
The unemployed partner with whom you have to live, whether we talk about marriage or relationship, needs very fragile treatment and discreet from your side but this also puts you in an equally difficult situation. You have the financial and practical issues to manage and the pressure that comes on you as far as responsibilities are concerned, and from the other side there are the issues that concern your relationship with him (if you have kids the situation becomes even more complicated), and you need to be very careful with the way you behave him and you deal with the whole situation. It is very difficult for the woman partner/wife/mother to handle all the above, that’s why there are some tips and steps that follow which can help you deal with an unemployed partner.
Psychological support: First of all, you need to always be available for him to discuss the issue, even if he is not very willing. You have to support him psychologically and help him understand that he is not alone in this and also that many other men are on the same condition and many other couples deal with similar situations. Underline the fact that it is very difficult not only to find a good job but generally find a job and show that it is not his fault or something that has to do with his lack of qualifications.
Practical help: Psychological support is very important when the unemployed partner starts to get disappointed and is stressed. But the next step is to be close to him for the practical part, which means to offer help in finding a job. This can be your contacts, the collaboration with him and the organization of the cv’ s sending and the help in seeking for jobs, the preparation and the support for the interviews, etc. Your presence and your practical help in this part will give him the energy he needs and the strength in his effort so that he won’t give up, and of course he will appreciate your offer very much.
Increase his confidence : The unemployed partner is feeling insecure and humiliation, he loses his confidence and self esteem and feels nothing but useful, like he is not responding to the things you should. So, your part comes in this time when with your attitude you must help him feel useful and necessary again. Ask him to do things in the house that you can’t, give him competences and make him recover his lost esteem. When he relaxes from the stress lead him to more intimate moments and let him find his role again.
Handle your achievements discreetly: This period you are the one that brings money at home, you cover the needs and manage responsibilities, you support your partner and you try to keep the balance in the relationship or family. This is not small, it is huge and it is an honor for you, really you deserve congratulations. And also for the success you may have in your job. But, it is suggested in this period to try and manage these achievements more quietly and with discreetness. This doesn’t mean you won’t be proud of yourself. But you must understand that for every success you have your partner will feel even more disadvantaged.
Try to control your feelings: Let’s begin by saying that your side is not less difficult or less stressful than your partner’s. It is a fact that you are under pressure, anxiety and sadness too, and you are obligated to manage an equally difficult situation. The most hard part you have to manage is to control your feelings and your own mood. What does this mean? That there will be moments that you will reach your limits because of your unemployed partner and possibly there will be explosions inside you that it is suggested to control so that there won’t be a huge conflict with him. Try, even it is not true, not to show your partner that you are being so bothered by the new reality. If he feels pressed also by you for the fact that he doesn’t work, then it will be like he loses his only ally. Don’t forget that you are his support now. If you set free to your anxiety, anger, nerves, insecurities and everything that fights inside you, you’ll lose the game.
Come closer: The key in this situation and the new reality that unemployment brings with, is try and not allow becoming a prisoner in all this thing and not to lower the power of your relationship. You have to try along with your partner not to create a distance and not to get away from each other, not to ruin your relationship but instead of this to come closer fighting against difficulties together like a team. Don’t let anything come between you and your partner, on the contrary let it bring you closer. You’ll realize that in the end your relationship will be stronger after dealing with all these issues.